Friday, January 1, 2010

I Blame My Bad Memory

I have a bad memory.

Seriously. I do.

I cannot remember a lot of things. Significant things. Important things. Big events that happened.
What more the small details of my life so far?

Which is why I always find it a challenge to write a summary of my life in a year, when I cannot even recall what I had for dinner last week (not that it's worth remembering). But I'll give it a try:

I honestly find it difficult to say whether 2009 has been a good year, or a bad year for me. But to be safe, I will say that it naturally has had its ups and downs. Here are some random things from the year (not in chronological order):

1. I remember that I did well my last semester. My highest grade point average to date. It was hardly expected (cos I due to my "awesome" memory, I had no inclination of how well I did during the final examinations). But I thank God for having been with me. I realized that my pride often makes me forget He has anything to do with my achievements - something I need to work on.

2. It was a great experience doing my pre-practicum in my former school. It was very strange indeed going back to school not as a student, but as a teacher (just a trainee, really, but strange nonetheless). It changed my perspective on a lot of things. I remember feeling very guilty at having teased and made fun of teachers (especially their choice of wardrobe) when I was in school, knowing now that I most likely would be a similar target in the future. I remember doubting myself - if I was really meant for this profession; if I could actually do my future students justice.

3. Meeting my teachers again brought back a sense of nostalgia. Ironic, because my secondary school life seems such a blur to me now. Going back to school during my pre-prac showed me that I was a different person from when I was still a student. I grew closer to some teachers I was not before this, and spent less time with those whom I was close with. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of gratitude towards my teachers - those who are still in the school, and some who have left. Now (almost) in their shoes, I understand the challenges that they faced, that I will face, and am ashamed at my lack of understanding for them then.

4. I am still grateful and appreciative of what my teachers have done for me (another point on teachers??). I remember those who were responsible for having inspired me to be one as well, and I finally told one of them as much, during Christmas. She was surprised and (I imagine) touched that I am now taking up the teaching career thanks to her. I daydream of the day when one of my own will tell me the same thing :)

5. My 21st birthday this year is something (I hope) I will remember for many years to come. I am so very thankful to my friends, and family for making that day (or that week, including my surprise party a few days before) so very special. I cannot believe that I have friends who would go to such lengths for me :) I'd like to think that, throughout this year, I have been the best kind of friend to all I know. I want to be the kind of friend people know they can turn to should they need anything. I hope I can :)

6. Although I (playfully) abuse my brothers when I am home, it feels great to feel missed by them when I am not at home. :) My parents tell me that the house is oh-so-very-quiet when I am not around (now, in retrospect, was that a good thing, or a bad thing?) >.< 

7. I have grown closer to a lot of people I know-but-never-took-the-time-to-get-to-know. Some of my course mates are actually such fun crazy people (like me) !! I regret that I had assumed a language barrier might dampen the relationship. But it was not like that at all ! I learned that friendships can be forged, if we only would take the time and effort to work on it. I pray that our coming years together will seal the tight bonds of friendship that have been formed this last semester. Hopefully, these friendships will last way beyond our studying life, the eventual marriage invitations (for some :P) and into our twilight years. 

8. I take pride in the fact that I have matured in a lot of ways (compared to secondary school life, of course, by self reflection XP), but also concede that I am lacking in many ways. I sometimes have difficulty making decisions, especially with regards to events that will take up my time. I want to do so many things, yet am afraid that, due to time constraints, I may not be able to give my best to each commitment. Which makes me afraid to say yes. Or when I have said yes, am then afraid that I have made a mistake. I cannot decide ! >.< Hopefully, I will grow in this area, to be able to make the right decisions, and to be courageous enough to deal with the consequences of said decisions. 

I cannot think of anymore things to say. 

Hopefully, that (more or less) wraps it up for my life in 2009 (hardly ! >.<). 

Anyway, I sincerely wish that this year will be a journey of progress for me. Not a perfect one, mind you. I'm allowing myself space to make mistakes. But in making those mistakes, to be strong enough to keep trying, to keep pushing, to learn from them and start again.

I know, not very specific stuff.

I have my "good" memory to thank for that.

May this year be a fresh start, a second chance and a step forward in all areas of my life.
Happy New Year 2010 !! :)


shandye. said...

waa.. this year you'll be on legal age of drinkin.

mebbe i'll consider bawak you to party la some times.

wakakaka... mebbe...

hannah khaw said...

Happy 2010! :D
I also struggle with pride in my achievements. I think everyone does, to some extent. But during my quiet time one morning, God told me that hey, He's like a hermit crab and we're just like an empty shell on the beach. We can't do anything until He lives in us. And once he does, we live by His strength alone. And so the empty shell can't boast about what the hermit crab does for it! :D
God bless :) haha

Lisa ^^, said...

Ahaha. I shouldn't say this, but I've always wanted to tryyyyyyy XD teehee

Ahah. Hermit crab. I think I'll remember that ! Thanks loadsss :)

The Unconscious said...

hi there. I stumbled across this blog in an accident and something really caught my attention...its your hamster - dorky :P
I would like to have one - could you let me know how can i get one.. please? i find it quite cute :D

nice blog btw and please...dont forget to tell since you have bad memory :P

Lisa ^^, said...

>>The Unconscious
Erm. Hi. Thanks for dropping by? Yeah, it's easy to get another Dorky. Just click on the top right hand corner of my Dorky's box and there should be a link to the website for you to get your own :) (maybe try Google aBowman)

The Unconscious said...

Hi lisa. thanks for note. I tried abowman and that was it :)
thanks again. cheers :)