Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Ashamed but (also) Proud!

I am ashamed.

It's been.........five months since my last post. FIVE MONTHS! :O

I'm so sorry my dear blog for having neglected you. Jangan merajuk ya? ;)

I was thinking what I should blog about and it suddenly struck me!

On the 23rd of October, I officially graduated from UKM! :D

I don't have my pictures with me. They're all in my computer at the moment. (I'm typing this in my Materials class in the faculty computer lab. Oops, Dr. Hope you don't mind :p)

But I promise will try to upload the pictures and blog about my PROUD moment soon! :)

Let's hope I can begin blogging regularly again.
Stay tuned! ;)

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Missed Me?

Have you missed me? :D

It's been ages! So much has happened that I can't even begin to describe everything from where I last left off. @.@

I've been diligently updating on the Other Blog, though. So hopefully, once my practical is over, I'll be able to pick out certain highlights from there and blog about it here :)

As it is, I don't have time to leisurely blog about what happens in school here. At least, not in how I'd like it to be. It'll take time and thought. Which I can't really afford on a normal school night :P (Do I sound like I've regressed 10 years and have a curfew? xD)

Anyway, it's the mid-year holidays now. I've got a precious two weeks......well, less than that now, since it's already Tuesday. @.@

I've been catching up on all my favourite channels on Youtube (since in UKM, I can't really load videos in my room. It just doesn't load at all! :/) and my favourite bloggers :D It feels good to just.....browse, you know? And know that I don't have to rush off and do something.

Staring at the computer screen for hours has been giving me a headache, though T.T

Hey, I've earned the right to laze around a little, okay?

Well, I finished the draft for my thesis--handed it in last Thursday to my lecturer. So now, all I've gotta do is wait for her comments and feedback. If she gives me the green light, I only need to get it bound, and my academic exercise in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Bachelor's Degree in Education with Honours (Hons.) for the Teaching of English as a Second Language (TESL) (I know, it's a mouthful, ain't it? @.@) is DONE! :D

I also finished marking the English Paper 2 for both my classes. I don't have the objective marks with me, so I can't total that and calculate the marks yet. Will have to do that after the holidays. :/

But there are still things I have to do during this holidays:

1) Start preparing my thesis presentation, which should be sometime in June, I presume. Although I haven't received Dr.'s comments yet, I can always start first, make changes later.

2) Roughly plan out lessons for after the holidays. With the new School-Based Assessment for the current Form 1 batch (you know that PMR is abolished for these kids now?), there is more work for the teachers, I can tell you that. So, I'll have to start planning out lessons according to the new "band system", and also for a third Form 1 class that I will be taking on after the holidays because they don't have enough teachers now that some of them will be exclusively teaching Form 6.

3) Attend a friend's wedding reception in Klang on the 31st of May.

I am so thankful for the holidays. I didn't get to come home for the past month because of work and activities. I didn't realize how upset I was for not being able to come back home until I couldn't. I was utterly disappointed. :(

I am truly blessed because I stay relatively nearby and can come home to "recharge" when I need to. I know some friends who don't have that chance. :(

Anyway, teaching practice is more manageable now. I guess I've learned the trick to it. Will tell you about that some time ;)

For now, I just want to declare that I'm doing alright. Still surviving and striving hard. :)

Although teaching has its moments, I still can't wait for my practicum to be over.

Until 6th of July! :D

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I'm not ready to go back.

It's been a while.

Don't worry. Just because I'm MIA here doesn't mean my students have formed a revolution against me, abducted me and then tortured me beyond my sanity and then later chopped me up into pieces and dumped my body (or what's left of it) into the nearby big longkang for making them do ten journal entries during the holidays and some 20-items of subject-verb agreement and past tense verb forms.

All I've been doing is just savouring my one-week break from school. :)
Honestly, I do feel that we teachers damn well deserve our school holidays. So, shut it, you jealous 9-to-5 office people! It's not like our holidays are completely free.

Wanna know what I've been doing?

Well, besides watching Fringe episodes lar.

I've been writing my daily reflections online for each teaching day in school, writing about what I've done with both my classes, the activities I carried out, evaluating my own teaching and class management. (If you're interested to read that, it's all in my other newly resurrected blog--only for this purpose though--at The Call.)

I've been completing my Record Book, writing in whatever lesson plans I can plan as far ahead as I can. Pasting all the handouts I gave my students.

I've been writing a choral speaking script, because my head of the English Language panel suddenly called us up a few days ago and asked for it. >.< (If it's good, and our head likes it, I might just post it up here :D)

I've gone shopping for more baju kurung because I don't have enough to last the week before I'll be repeating them. And my kids are gonna have a field day with it, I can tell you that. (I know I would, if I were in their shoes at that age =.=) I have three new ones now, all of which need to be altered at the sleeves and the length of the skirts.

So yes, I've been doing work too, you know. Not completely lazing around, just so you know.

It feels really good to be home :)

But it's Thursday, today. And already, I'm feeling the beginnings of a panic attack, thinking about school and the fact that I'm solely in charge of the Choir who'll be performing for the Hari Anugerah Cemerlang on the 31st, which means that I'll have to decide on practices and train them and get the students to stay back, and get the permission letters ready for their parents to be informed of it.

Not to mention that, once the choral speaking scripts is approved and finalized, Sun and I will need to get started on training the kids to prepare them for the competition sometime in April. Which leaves us about a month. Not much time @.@

And also, after the holidays, I'll have to really shape up and deal with my trouble-making boys and students or otherwise look really bad when my supervisor comes to evaluate me.

Which reminds me that I was supposed to have started work again on my thesis, after taking such a long break--I'm supposed to work on the Analysis and Findings section. I've done the interviews and the survey. Now the Analysis and discussion of the findings is the toughest part. I'm still lost and haven't really got my thoughts organized properly to write anything yet. I mean, I've barely focused on it for long enough to do so. When am I going to do that???!! @.@

Do you feel the pressure reading that? Or is it just me? >.<

I don't wanna think about it, but at the same time, I know I can't not think about it. School's starting already.

Man, one week is not enough :(

I haven't fully recharged yet to face the world.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


I've just survived a week in school.

Honest to God, I don't know how I'm going to survive four months. I'm falling apart, breaking down every few days, stressed out of my mind! I don't know how my dad, and other teachers, can do this every day for the past 30 years. I don't know if I even want to, now.

Q has been rather good to me this week. No problems, except for a little creaking and cranking when I turn right, sometimes. @.@ Thank God.

Finally, a photo of my baby! :D

SMK PP 14(1) is a school with a Malay population of 99.99% (thereabouts. I don't know the exact number). While I don't really have any real problem with that, it has, however, severely limited my wardrobe choices.

There is only one single non-Muslim female teacher, who happens to be the Ketua Bidang Bahasa (Head of Language Department) and every single day (for the past week I've been observing her) she wears a baju kurung. Nothing that doesn't completely cover everything but the face, neck and hands. Even the non-Muslim students wear long-sleeved shirts and long maxi skirts @.@

I had manyyyyyyy blouses and skirts which I was actually looking forward to wear to school. Unfortunately, with the strict Principal and what appears to be a rather Islam-driven school, I don't think it is wise for me to wear anything shorter than ankle-length. Unless I want to get reprimanded by the teachers or ogled by the students.

I am teaching one Form One class and one Form Two class: 1 Best and 2 Gem respectively. 1 Best is the second best class in Form One. There are 28 students and they are a lively, if rather noisy, bunch of kids. They've just come up from primary school, so they are still enthusiastic and excited about a lot of things. Even a simple activity like reading out and guessing their friends' favourites seems to be a lot of fun! There is quite a large gap in language proficiency though. Some have the fluency, but some are weak. It is still challenging though, learning to manage them. Hopefully I'll be able to help them improve. :)

2 Gem on the other hand, is another challenge altogether. I was surprised to find out, on the first day, that the class consisted of 20 Malay boys. Yes, all boys. *gulp* Even though boys are more sporting, and therefore, more fun to teach, they can also be extremely playful and naughty. In the first class itself I could pinpoint who were going to be the troublemakers. >.< Plus, this is the third class out of four in Form Two, and they are very very weak in the language. They are unable to understand even simple instructions like. They often respond to my questions with a (rather rude and) loud "HAAAA?"

I taught them, instead, to say, "Pardon?" when they don't understand, or can't catch what I'm saying. They made fun of it and said, "Apa cikgu? Pondan?!" (What, teacher? Transvestite?) =.=

Even though they are weak, they do not really listen to me. I suspect it is also because they cannot understand half of what I say in class. I resort to first language (Malay) translation in the classroom, which is not ideal. But otherwise, they would not be able to follow the lessons! Some don't pay attention, and one, in particular, has a smart mouth. He's rude, disrespectful and uncooperative. When I asked him to stand up and answer a question, he told me, "Cikgu, nak tidur la," ("Teacher, I want to sleep la) and proceeded to lay his head down on his arm on the table!

I can't control my class. They don't respect me, they don't listen to me. What do I do? T.T

Preparing lesson plans is still something awkward and difficult. I spend hours thinking about what to do, planning, and then doubting myself, so I revise it, and re-revise it... And that's only for one lesson. I have five periods with each class, each week. I have to follow the fixed Form One and Form Two syllabus and the school's scheme of work. And it didn't really help that their previous teacher was only a sub who was temporarily replacing a teacher on maternity leave. He had not really done much, nor anything that he was supposed to, according to the yearly plan. >.<

The students are supposed to be at Chapters 3 and 5 by now, but it appears that they have not really completed Chapter 1! Which makes it very difficult for me. >.<

Adding to the pressure is getting the "orientation" treatment every new trainee teacher seems to receive when they first start teaching. You know the kind. "Teacher, you got boyfriend ar?" "Teacher, are you married?" "Teacher, do you have Facebook?" "Teacher, where are you from?" "Teacher, how old are you? You look so young!" "Teacher, where do you live?" "Teacher, are you Malay?" "Teacher, you Chinese never been to China ar?"

The students are not afraid of you, AT ALL. They walk about, talk, laugh out loud, as if you weren't in the class at all. You give them the evil stare and they still manage to finish their sentence and laugh before they  keep quiet take a short pause in their conversation, after which, they continue anyway.

I got catcalls and wolf-whistles. One student actually commented that I looked "sexy". Another, when I stood at the front of the class, actually said, "Cikgu, tepi!" ("Teacher, move!") when he wanted to copy notes from the board.

I am utterly appalled at their lack of manners and the way in which they treat teachers nowadays. Granted, I am a trainee teacher and they are certainly not afraid of me (they have made that painfully clear to me T.T) but it does not change the fact that I am still older than them. I have never spoken to any of my teachers, in my entire life, the way that some of these kids did to me in this one week.

It's challenging. It's nerve-wrecking. It's exhausting. It's stressful. It's humiliating. It's terrifying. It's de-motivating.

Can I really do this? Do I want to?

At this point? I don't know and, I don't know. It just feels awful. Right now, the only light at the end of the tunnel is a school-free day: Sunday.

All in all, it's been an exhausting, depressing week. Not many highs, but many many lows. :(

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Jayesslee + Jenny Sun!

Jessie sent me a message on FB Chat exclaiming, "She's engaged!"

Seeing as we've reached the age where a lot of our peers are tying the knot, getting engaged etc. I couldn't figure out who she meant. "WHO WHO WHO????" I asked.

She sent me a link on Youtube, and.....what a pleasant surprise it was!

Sonia, of the lovely musical Korean-Australian duo Jayesslee, is engaged! :D

To who? Andy, their cameraman and photographer!

I'd always been a fan of the twins and their beautiful lilting voices, and admired them for their strong Christian faith as well. But I got another surprise when I found out that their engagement shoot was done by none other than Jenny Sun, a wedding photographer I greatly admire too!

The photos--as always when it comes to Jenny's work--are beautiful and awe-inspiring! I always love how she manages to capture the most wonderful moments between a couple, even if it's just his hand around her waist, her head on his shoulder, the two holding hands... And the lovely sunlight! :D And I always felt that the shots of the couple staring into each other's eyes made me feel like I was intruding on a very beautiful but private moment. Yet, what a lovely moment to capture and preserve for all of time! :')

Andy+Sonia :)

Photo credits to Jenny Sun Photography

I remember the first video I'd watched of Jayesslee. My first thought was, "Wow." Their voices were absolutely lovely and soothing, and they seemed like genuinely beautiful people. I knew then, that these girls would change my life. Their singing could always comfort, their silly crazy antics always cheered me up, their warm personalities always inspired.

To now see news of Sonia finding love and taking the next step towards marriage is a little surreal. I don't know why. I mean, I've always felt connected to them somehow, in the way they talked to their viewers in their videos like they're talking to you, but this special announcement just made it all even more real.
Darling Sonia, I sincerely wish you and Andy the best in your new journey together, and may God be the center of your relationship and marriage, because that's how you know it will truly last FOREVER AND EVER! Congratulations! :') Also to Janice, cos you have also gained a wonderful brother :)
News like this always makes my day! :D

Friday, February 24, 2012

School and Fasting

I was so grouchy and grumpy waking up at slightly before 7.00am this morning. Makes me wonder how I'm going to be able to wake up at 5.00am every weekday morning to go to school. >.<

I was absolutely delighted that the Officer at the Putrajaya Education Department, Pn. Khairul Bariyah gave a pretty simple briefing that did not last for hours and revolved around the same darn thing which could have been said and done with in 15 minutes.

I like her. She was warm and had a friendly face, and had a knack for putting people at ease :) Unfortunately, the only advice she wanted to give us was to "be careful". Why? Because many of the children who go to these schools in Putrajaya are sons/daughters of Somebodies. Maybe not the Menteri's kids, but possibly the Menteri's driver's kids--okay, maybe they're sons/daughters of People-who-think-they-are-Somebodies.

Anyway, she kept trying to make us feel better--which makes me wonder if things aren't worse than they appear. She'd say something bad, then quickly add, "But don't worry, it'll be okay," accompanied by a huge smile. For example, she told us we have to be careful because some of the parents of the kids we'll be teaching can very easily make trouble for us trainee teachers on the most trivial of things. That there were even cases of sexual harassment complaints when the teacher merely patted the student's shoulder, or something. :O But don't worry, it'll be okay. She told us that most of the Putrajaya schools have a ton of programs and activities that are carried out throughout the year, and being trainee teachers, we'd most likely be given the most 'donkey work'. We'll be extremely busy, being in charge of this and that. :O But don't worry, it'll be okay.

Are you sure? @.@

It is a strange sensation: to be somewhat excited to finally put everything that you've learned for the past four years to the test, to meet the kids, to get to know them, to find out if you can really do this--teach. To learn new things, to love your students and have them love you back. And yet, simultaneously, to be utterly terrified, wondering if you'll screw up on the first day, mess up your first impression, forget the right words for a vocab lesson, teach the wrong thing, or if your students will hate you and you'll have no choice but to admit that you're just not cut out to be a teacher.

I can only pray and hope for the best. Really.

Fasted lunch today, since it's already the Lent season. I was supposed to start yesterday, Ash Wednesday, but now that you've seen the food at Zest Cafe & Restaurant, you tell me, how on earth could I have given up on a chance to taste that?!

Had to battle hunger pangs today, even by 3.00pm. Which is normal, seeing as it's the first day I'm fasting. I know that eventually, it'll get better, and I won't feel it so much. 1 down, 39 more days to go. @.@

But I enjoyed this lovely mango juice smoothie at KTAMS today for only--can you believe it?--RM 2.00! Elsewhere, at cafes and such, it'd most like cost you at least RM 4.50. Nothing better than a sweet mango-ey cold drink on a hot day!

The mango smoothie is really a little bit of heaven!

And sometimes I feel that, having fasted, I appreciate my dinner more, and the fact that I can have something nice for dinner. :D

Yee mee pork noodles + egg :)

Driving home tomorrow, alone. Hope Q will be all right for the journey. And I'll definitely be praying for calm, and courage.

See you on the other side! :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

ZEST-ful Day!

Oh man, my legs are aching from hours of walking around town today! (Sign of old age, really. T.T)

Had breakfast as early as 8.00 this morning, cos we had plenty of things to do for the day :) And who knew that I would miss pak cik's nasi lemak this much? ;)

Walked over to the Faculty (I did not miss this place!) to settle some academic-related things and get my result slip. (Did I mention that I got 3As and 1A- last semester? A bit disappointed with the A-, but oh well. I am very grateful :D)

Then off for our mini road trip to SMK Putrajaya Precinct 14(1)! I'd only come through here once, and that was with my parents driving. I drove this time, to familiarize myself with the route I'd be travelling every weekday for the next four months plus. @.@ Took a few wrong turns here and there, but with friends, it just becomes part of the adventure! xD All in all, not too difficult a route; takes about 15 minutes to get to the school with clear traffic. Hope there are no early morning jams! *crosses fingers*

The school's main entrance

Finally, we were on our way to Bangsar South City to try out the delicious food from Zest Cafe & Restaurant! Sun and Jessie had been there together once before, but I had not. (How could they go without me! T.T) We took the train to MidValley, and then a cab to Bangsar South City. According to our rather friendly taxi driver, Bangsar South City used be known as Kg. Kerinchi. Many people mistake it for Bangsar Village--they're NOT the same. They're currently developing the area; lots of construction seems to be going on.

Anyway, arrived there with no problems. The area seemed a little empty, but certainly very high-class. Even camwhored on the stairs up to Zest, located on the first floor. Aheh.


Jessie and Sun :)

I thought they walkway looked pretty!

Entrance to Zest :D

We were enthusiastically greeted by the owner, Mr. Ong, who happens to be an acquaintance of Sun's. I loved the atmosphere in Zest! It was cheery and the deco was rather sophisticated! The environment there certainly made our pre-lunch chat and camwhoring extremely fun! Sun and Jess had nothing but high praise for this place, and you can read excellent reviews done by other patrons online as well. So you can understand that I could hardly wait for the food to arrive!

Loved the bright yellow daisy as our table centerpiece!
Doesn't it kinda say: "Helloooooooooo! Good day!"? xD

Ahaha, sorry. Must self-camwhore also ma. ;)

Then the food came! :D

Foot-long sausage

The sausages were so savoury and juicy, gravy had tons of onions, which I love, blanched purple cabbage, creamy mashed potato (it's in the middle, spot it?) and lettuce as a side, with "European wasabi" and sweet sambal to accompany the dish. Yums!

Seafood Fettucini

I love pastas, but this looked extremely rich. However, it turned out to be pleasantly creamy, without being overwhelmingly so. Dig deeper and you'll be surprised with fish, squid and prawns. (Prawns were not very fresh, though >.<) A delicious second dish!

The famous Rosemary Chicken (half chicken)

Meat was surprisingly tender and juicy (makes me salivate just thinking about it again!) with  chunky potatoes, and the gravy was yums! I would be happy even with just the gravy! xD

Then we had dessert, recommended by the owner :)

Home-made vanilla gelato--a perfect end to a great meal! :D

Before we left, took a picture with the Big Boss, Mr. Ong. One day, I'd love to try their Civet Cat Coffee, or kopi luwak, one of the most expensive coffee in the world! You can read how they process it here.

With the boss :P
(We were saying "ZEST!"--except me, apparently =.=)

A very pleasant and helpful employee there helped us take this.
(Their service is excellent!)

Then we took a casual walk around the area, heading towards the Kerinchi LRT station. I kept stopping Sun and Jess to take pictures. Couldn't help myself, sorry. @.@


More fountains!

View from between two towering buildings

The overhead bridge to the Kerinchi LRT station

I've missed walking around a big shopping mall like KLCC. And it's been ages since we girls have gone out for an outing like this one. We've been so awfully busy, especially last semester, so I am thankful that we had this small window of opportunity un-busyness to hang out together ;) But then again, it didn't matter where we were, we always had fun together :D

The Petronas Twin Towers (well, half of it xD)

The train ride back, as expected, was a nightmare. I wish I could have given that...that woman in white a piece of my mind for literally shoving me aside to get into the train. Line up and wait your turn, woman! I mean, the train hadn't even stopped and I was already squashed because of her. I think she'd push me onto the train tracks if that meant she could get on the train before anyone else. Bodoh. Things like that just get on my nerves and put me in a foul mood. Foul, I tell you. >.<

I am exhausted. I wish I could hang my feet up to rest! @.@

But I had an awesome day today, nonetheless :) Another day of great memories, stored safely away for when I can look back and remember those awesome times with my awesome friends! ;)

Will be reporting to the Putrajaya Department of Education tomorrow morning--have to be up by 7.00am! T.T Good night, everyone :D

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

For Now, Feels Good to be Back

While I know this is going to be short-lived, I have to say, I'm glad to be back in UKM :)

Maybe the excitement+anticipation of a new term does that to you. Fools you into thinking you're happy to be back until you aren't. =.=


Drove to Bangi this morning with no problems. Except for one incident where I nearly missed the turning to exit the roundabout and I made a sharp left. I think my mum must have died a little right then. She was already hitting the imaginary brakes when I was going at 100 km/h on the highway. (Is that really too fast? @.@)

Moved to a new residential college for this term, Aminuddin Baki. Which means that in my four years here, I'll have stayed in 3 different colleges--KTHO, KIY, and now KAB. KTHO's single rooms and washrooms are still the best, KIY will be remembered for its monkeys, and only one day here and I'm guessing I'll remember KAB for its lack of parking spaces. T.T I'm dreading thinking about agonizing over where to park Q every day. (btw, I forgot to get pictures again. *sigh* Anyway, he's sleeping safely with his blinds on, settled at the college guest house a few blocks away from me :D)

I was pleasantly surprised with my room in K6M 204 (anyone free, do drop by! :P). It is in one of the recently renovated blocks, so most of the things in my room are new. KAB rooms still lose out to KTHO's (wide, spacious, cooling, lovely shellacked wooden study desk and cupboard) but at least they're better than KIY's. *shrug* Anddddddd we seldom get monkeys here, which is certainly a hugeeeeeeeee plus point! ;)

My bed with the same 'ol bedsheets :P
I like sleeping with my head towards the window 
instead of the door. Don't ask me why :/

Valentine hug-pillow, Spongebob (I call him Bobby) and Cuddles :D
I think I sleep better with these guys ;)

My study table! A little small but, I'm a small person.

Of course, I brought back my bright yellow water dispenser.
You know, in case I want to throw a party in my room.

My work space. Lined it with a mat, for 
when I'm eating in front of my lappie :P

Bookshelf. Didn't know what else to put so, 
I guess my handbag goes there too. :D
Oh, and it's lovely to see a brand-new, clean, undamaged soft board :)

I like the colour on the door! It's kinda like a rich peach :)
And my blue+grey metal cupboard.
(Sorry it's kinda dark, my room light isn't working! @.@
Hope to get it fixed reallyyyy soon.)

Lots of space--but completely filled with my stuff!

Oh, forgot about the drawers under my bed.

More space than I know what to do with! =.=

The bathrooms though, are much smaller than I'm used to. Seems that every time I move to a different college, the bathrooms get smaller and smaller. Thank God I'm not claustrophobic. I have just enough space to bend down to dry my legs; can't really stretch though @.@

The reason I shifted here is really for convenience's sake. My course mate Sun and I will be teaching at the same school beginning next week, and since we're carpooling in my car, it would be easier if we stayed in the same college. Thank God she was a former Student Committee member, so she pulled some strings to get me a spot here. Too bad we're not staying in the same block. Still, it's better than nothing :D

She "dropped by" earlier with packed dinner for me--for 2 hours! @.@ It was nice being able to chat and not really worry about the time, knowing that her room is just a few blocks away :) We made plans tomorrow, with Jessie too, for an early breakfast, a road trip to the school we're posted to, and a big lunch at Zest Cafe & Restaurant for their famous Rosemary Chicken! (I'll definitely be blogging about that! xD) Feel rather guilty though, cos tomorrow's Ash Wednesday, and I'm supposed to start fasting T.T (Sorry, God.) But how can I give up a chance to have a taste of Zest's awesome-looking food??

Hanging out with good friends, mini road trip and a delicious lunch: tomorrow certainly promises to be a good day! :D

First day back--it feels good :)

Introducing: My Baby, Q

Been busy packing all day. I thought I was pretty much done, or at least half-done. But when I looked at my list again, I realized I'd barely scratched the surface. =.=

Now that I'm finally done and all the bags are neatly haphazardly piled on top of each other in my room, I see only 30% of my floor space. (Well, in all fairness, my room is rather small to begin with. But still.) I don't understand it.  Every semester during this biannual routine, I tell myself I'm gonna bring less stuff. But every. single. time. I still bring back a lot of stuff! @.@


Washed the car for the first time in years. And yes, in both senses. 1) My first time washing a car in years, and 2) The first time this car is getting washed in (about 2?) years!

Well, I am taking the car up to uni next, no OMG it's actually this semester. I need it to travel daily to and from school now that I'm starting my teaching practicum in Putrajaya, a 20-minute drive from my hostel. So, for the next four months plus, he's going to be my new baby, my responsibility. (Somehow I imagine him as a boy.)

So, my mum told me to put water in the battery, check the radiator, fill the petrol tank and pump air in the tyres. All these for two purposes: 1) because I'm driving up to Bangi tomorrow morning, and 2) to make sure I know how to do these stuff now that he's my baby.

Somehow, knowing that he's my baby now (well, at least for the duration of my practicum) makes me feel different. I scrubbed a little harder for those stubborn dirt spots, I vacuumed till I couldn't see a single speck at a glance, I lovingly pulled leaves that were stuck at the wipers out.

He's my baby now. :D

I think I'll call him.......Q. ;)
What do you think?

(Darn, I forgot pictures. And he looked so sparkling clean too! >.<)

Sunday, February 19, 2012

'Ol Lonely

A lot of the time, I feel out of place.

I used to struggle with that feeling, several months back. And I tell you, I really struggled. I fought bouts of depression, felt emotional all the time. I'd hardly join in in conversations, only occasionally laughing at the jokes that I was supposed to laugh at, then going back to my silent room to cry silently.

The hardest part was pretending that everything was alright, putting on a fake smile every day. The only person I let see how I really felt was my bf. And he had a tough time figuring out how to deal with an overly-sensitive, emotional, blubbering puddle of tears who seemed like she had PMS 24/7.

Loneliness, it turns out, is a pain in the butt.

It was really hard holding it out in uni. It was especially hard when this horribly depressing feeling was there when you were with the people closest to you. It was hard to express because, how do you explain to those people you care about, and who care about you, that they are part of the reason you feel that way?

It would hurt them, or, even if it didn't, things will change forever. They will go out of their way to accommodate your feelings, tiptoe around you like you are fragile glass, be extra "careful". Which was not what I wanted. Who would want that?

So there was no one to turn to, which ensured that I was stuck with my "best friend", Loneliness. (Reminds me of that old song: Loneliness is never waiting by the door / It sweeps right through and it will never be ignored)

The one tiny consolation I had was that I had another small group of close friends back home in which I did not feel that way. I could always count on them to cheer me up. We had ten years' worth of friendship locked on our belts; we could get through anything. But we seldom had time to meet, everyone having their own commitments.

I finally let slip about how I felt to my friends in uni. They bugged me until the whole story came out. I didn't really want to tell because I knew of the consequences. But it was my own fault for mentioning it, even only in passing; my mistake.

It was awkward for a while, and I shied away from their conscious well-intended efforts to make me feel better. But time is truly a wonderful thing. Eventually, things went back to normal, and I started feeling a little more normal. No one was happier than my bf now that I was back to my old non-24/7-PMS self.

But now, I feel my old friend sitting right beside me once more, just like he used to. Telling me, "Things have changed. Nobody cares about you anymore. You're not as important as you think you are. You're not as well-liked, loved, or popular as you thought you were."

I am ashamed to have to say this, but I need to be honest with myself.
I like being the center of attention. I like being the one who tells all the funny stories, who makes the best jokes. I want to feel important. I want.
'Ol Lonely is right about one thing: Things have changed. As time goes by, it seems like I have less and less things in common with everyone else. That never used to be a problem. They'd talk about their new jobs, I'd talk about school.

But now, that's the problem. They talk about things I don't know about: projects and marketing strategies, and their travels to India, Cambodia. For a country bumpkin like me who has never left the country, whose biggest struggle at the time is meeting assignment deadlines, it is truly a foreign world.

Sure, I have no issue with listening attentively to find out what's new with them. But I wish I could contribute more, say something more meaningful than "I see," and nodding. Sometimes, it feels like all I say is "I see." There's no opportunity to say anything else. Or the night is just not enough to say everything we want to.

I hate this feeling. And I hate that I feel like this when this is such a petty issue to begin with. What is wrong with me?

I'd hate to be one of those people whose boyfriends are everything to them, but they have no friends. I swore I'd never be like that.

But if I let myself continue to feel this way in the company of my friends, maybe pretty soon I'll have none left. Or, none that I am close to.

Or, maybe, 
I'm in exactly one of those emotional, PMS moments brought about by the fact(s) that I will be going back to uni soon while my bf goes off to Johor and that I am most probably jealous that all my friends are already working and travelling everywhere which is something I wish I can do and that I will be starting my practical in school soon and I am absolutely terrified, unprepared and not confident about it, 

and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. *sigh*

Forgive my emo moments. T.T

Saturday, February 18, 2012

This Means War!

Would you believe it?

MBO Cinemas over in Terminal Two (now Mydin) is showing This Means War! I'd been whining to watch that movie ever since I saw the trailer. And I had thought that I might just have to let the boyfie off easy for not keeping his promise to watch it with me, cos it is supposed to be released only on the 23rd of February when we both start term.

But who knew! The boyfie called yesterday and told me it was showing. First showtime was at 12.00pm--was I up for it?


The movie was a great watch! Even though I had gotten a wee bit wary when a friend had said it had "vulgar jokes and crude humour". Don't get me wrong, I'm every bit as "grown up" as the rest, and I can take a crude joke. It's just a question of....preference. Let's just say it's not my favourite kinda movie. (There are many movies that I feel would be better without the crude jokes. It's cheap humour. IMO la)

Turns out, the movie wasn't half that bad. Come on, I'd sat through almost 2 hours of excruciating crude/vulgar jokes in The Hangover 2 (the bf insisted =.=); this is nothing!

Synopsis: Two CIA operatives wage war against one another when they discover that they are dating the same woman.

Yeah, that's basically it. @.@

However, I did like the twist whereby the two CIA agents are not only partners, they are best friends. And therefore, the whole movie was about more than just "getting the girl", it was also a story about friendship. Initially, Tuck (Tom Hardy) and F.D.R. (Chris Pine) are not about to let a girl get in the way of their bromance. They'd take a bullet for the other! Unfortunately, the both fall madly in love with Lauren (Reese Witherspoon). And, as they say, "All is fair in love and war."

Both so hot! ;)

I also loved that the two guys were so different from the other, and yet they fell for the same girl; not only that, she fell equally for the both of them! Tuck is gentlemanly, sweet and thoughtful; FDR is charming, spontaneous and...hot. Honestly, more than half-way through the movie, I still didn't know who I was rooting for to get the girl! They were both, simply put, gorgeous. And they both worked their butts off (although it was kinda cheating, what with their very own covert teams working together to collect "intel" about Lauren) to get to know Lauren, and be the kinda guy she wants.

I love Reese Witherspoon! :D

Lauren, the poor thing, just couldn't decide which one! (She even considered a sex tie-breaker--which means having sex with both guys to see who...wins?)

As with all movies that have this kinda plot (guy/girl makes a bet/plan involving girl/guy but then falls in love, then the girl/guy finds out, there's shock, hurt, then they kiss and make up), when the game is up, there's the expected angry/hurt response. However, in this case, Lauren gets off scot-free! Lauren, if I say so myself, is equally to blame or, isn't exactly blameless, is she? She was dating two guys at the same time! Shouldn't they be angry at her as well? Well, they weren't, not really. But she got pissed and stormed off when she found out. Luckily for the guys, that wasn't given a chance to really stew because then she got kidnapped by Heinrich (this bad guy from Tuck+FDR's past assignment seeking revenge) so she had to forgive them really quickly if she wanted to live.

At the end, Lauren finally makes a decision--FDR. I did feel kinda bad for Tuck, though. Thought he totally deserved a girl like Lauren too. But he managed to patch things up with his ex-wife, Katie, so he, Katie and his son, Joe get to be a real family again, so all's well. Everybody gets a happy ending :)

I like this movie also because I thought it was interesting that they kinda married the chick flick and action genres, quite successfully, you might say. Enough cheesy romantic yummyness for the girls, and enough action sequences to keep the guys happy!

I thoroughly enjoyed watching this movie; very entertaining. :D

I'd give it a 4.5/5  (cos everything has room for improvement! xD)!

Do catch it if you can! ;)

Last date with the boyfie before he leaves for Johor, and I for Bangi. *sigh*