Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Conquerors !

We'd been planning this for a long time now.

We'd been preparing for it -- mentally, physically, emotionally.

We'd brought our weapons: Armour, sturdy shield and sharp pointy spears.

We were ready to conquer the world !

Okay, not really.

We were just going for a short hike up Broga Hills, in Semenyih.

We'd been planning it for about a week, set the date for the 28th, a Monday.

We were not really prepared for the tough trail and steep slopes. We were all pretty out of shape, panting even as we had just begun. =.=

There were no armours, shields or spears. Just track bottoms, shoes, small towels and snacks.

Broga Hills

Everywhere (well, at least on FB) everyone was hyping about Broga Hills, known for its spectacular view of the sunset at the peak.

So many of my friends had gone there and back with no problem at all. All girls, for that matter. So, it should be no big deal, right? I mean, I've even gone jungle trekking up Gunung Datuk which is one of toughest treks I know of.

Broga Hills should be a piece of cake.

Well, I forgot to factor in the fact that I had been bumming around the house for the past two months with the most exercise I get walking from my bedroom to the hall and then to my seat in front of the laptop.

Needless to say, what had appeared to be a piece of cake turned out to be a whole 2kg cake shoved down my throat ! >.<

Yes, I was the one pretty out of shape.

We set out as a group of six (from the original 8 - 2 couldn't make it at the last minute) in Sam's big Unser (or Angsa as Wen Yun "aptly" put it ! Yes, she actually thought that the Unser is called an Angsa (goose in Malay) =.=) (Well, we had a good laugh over that ! :P)

Wen Yun, our beloved guide ! :P
Angsa ! She's priceless !! ^^

Vicky and his gang of course mates decided to tag along with us to Broga Hills as well. And so there were 3 cars heading up to Semenyih on that Monday, racing along the highway.

During the journey, as always, we were a restless, noisy lot !

I cannot seem to explain it. Every time we meet up, we seem to have been smitten with a bout of laughing gas or something, because we can't stop laughing. After we're done laughing over something (like Wen Yun's Angsa), another thing comes up and we're left in stitches again !

I don't mind, despite the aches in my sides. It's called having a good time. Besides, laughter's the best medicine ! :)

We arrived at the oil palm plantation at the foot of Broga Hills in high spirits. Worried that we might miss the sunset if we did not hurry, we set off immediately.

Everyone was still laughing and teasing and kidding around.

Until we reached the trail.

Barely 5 minutes up the trail, I was panting and pushing down hard on my thighs to force myself onto the next step up. I was confused. Tired? Already?

Can you see me all hot and sweaty?
Yikes. >.<

Slowly, the chatter and laughter died down. All you could hear were groans and sighs.

Within ten minutes you could separate the fit, and the unfit into two clear groups.

The fit ones would be the ones wayyyyy ahead of the group, standing on a ledge, urging the others to hurry.

The unfit ones would be the ones breathing like they were breathing through a loudspeaker, bending over, hands akimbo, going, "Ohmygod, I can't do this, I can't do this."

I was in the latter group.

Pathetic, I know. But in my defense, if I had been walking to classes like I had been in university, this would so not be the case.

But as it were, Yen, Psyduck and myself were the ones straggling behind. Sam took one look at us and sighed. "Okay, I'll help."

A break every 5 minutes was necessary. Really.

Psyduck's face was actually paler than mine. He looked like he was about to throw up. Poor thing. >.<

We actually almost DIED !

(I have a feeling we won't be coming back to Broga Hills anytime soon.)

A long, sweaty, sticky, mosquito-frenzy hour later, we were finally at the first peak, where we took yet another long break. And of course, took photos.

The 'lalang' were actually taller than me !
At first peak :)

Sam: "King of the World !"

Taking photos was the only time I lit up. :)
Then we'd have to climb again >.<

Our small group of 6 decided to ascend up to the second peak. (There are actually four peaks, but apparently the 3rd and 4th peaks are very much tougher. It went without saying that we didn't even consider going up to the last 2 peaks after having almost DIED getting up to only the first two.) Vicky, Ash and the rest decided not to, although they were doing a much better job at climbing Broga Hills than we were.

We waved them goodbye and set off on our journey towards the unknown beyond the point of turning back.

(Sorry, trying to be dramatic. It does sound dramatic now, doesn't it? :P)

No, we just headed up to the second peak, which was a mere 5 minutes climb from the first. We were surprisingly more energized by this stretch, possibly because of the how the air seemed fresher at this altitude, and also maybe because the goal was so close it was within our grasp !

The view was beautiful. All the photos I tried taking with my 2 megapixel handphone camera could never do it justice. So I gave up and ended up just staring at the wide expanse of green and dots of white that were houses.

We admired the clouds and saw squarish box-like ones, and even two that looked like ponies (one fatter than the other).

We finally decided to not wait for the sunset, because it was getting rather dark and after having almost DIED climbing up the first two peaks even in broad daylight, I would not want to attempt sliding down those slopes in pitch darkness. >.<

The pretty sky :) <3

The sky held a tinge of red and orange by the time we decided to head down. And we stopped every stretch of slope or so to admire it. It was really beautiful.

But what I really loved most about standing at the peak, looking out over the ground below, was feeling the breeze. There was a lovely breeze up there. Not the entire time, but every few minutes. A slight gentle breeze that cooled our heated sweaty bodies, and rejuvenated me :)

I took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air, and thought that the journey up there was....pretty worth it :)

Group picture with the guys :)

With Sam offering to be our "cushion" if we fell, he headed the pack down the slope. Again, not as easy as it looks. Going down without slipping was impossible. And it put a strain on the front of our feet and ankles. Everyone was slipping and sliding and yelling. >.<

Finally, we were on level ground and we sank onto Sam's Angs- I mean, Unser's car bumper.

The girls :P

We were definitely exhausted. But we had fun :)

We actually conquered Broga Hills !
We survived :)

We joked that someone had lost their "soul" on the way down.
Yes, pun intended ! XD

Will blog more about what happened AFTER we conquered Broga Hill later :P

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

World Cup Experience

I am not a football fan.

Never was.

I never did get what all the fuss was about, 11 men streaking across a field, fighting for possession of a rather small, insignificant ball.

I never did get all the loud, crazy shouting and the cheering (and the swearing) that more often than not, disturbed my beauty sleep. (Even if I were not asleep by that time, it annoyed me all the same >.<)

I would declare: "I don't like football."
And my brother would challenge me: "Have you even watched football?"
Then he'd tell me: "How can you say you hate something you don't know anything about?"

He was right. I knew zilch about football, yet I claim to hate it. Why?

And so I made a new resolution.

With the World Cup this year (and during my 2 months holiday at that), I thought I would make an effort to, well, get it.

I followed the qualifying rounds, watched as many matches as I could (which is a limited precious few since I don't have Astro and I had to depend solely on TV1, a channel which deserves to be cursed to hell for airing non-top matches live and matches with gargantuan teams like Brazil a whole day AFTER everyone knows the results !) (It is so NOT fun watching matches that you already know the results to, and even the time at which the goals are scored =.=)

I pulled out the centrespread of the Galaxie magazine which was the table for the World Cup matches (with their dates) and stuck it on the door of my bedroom.

I followed the goings-on of the World Cup almost religiously, asking my brother what the scores were for the matches we missed (stupid TV1 >.<) and scouring the newspapers for the latest results. A friend introduced a website to me ( to get the current status and updates for matches that were even going on at the moment.

I filled up the tables, calculated the scores.

Of course, I started off eyeing the star hot players like Christiano Ronaldo and Ricardo Kaka. But I realized that there are more cute guys on the field than I knew of. Elano, Fabiano, Klose, Mueller. Well, there is something rather attractive about a man after they have scored a goal, or are part of a spectacular assist. Rawr. XD Aheh.

Can you blame me? These guys are HOT. :P


As the tournament progressed, I watched the matches without caring so much about which players had washboard abs, or if C. Ronaldo was going to take his shirt off at the end of the match.

To be honest, it is much more exciting watching the matches when you actually know what is happening, how much is weighing on the outcome of a particular game.

It is more interesting when you pay attention to the skills of the players (and the eye-candy :P) and support a certain team to win.

Suddenly, football is not just about 11 men streaking across a field, fighting for possession of a rather small, insignificant ball.

Lionel Messi for Argentina - the world's
best football player

Football is about skill. Football is about strategy, tactics. Football is about rules. Football is about plays. About teamwork.

Yes, maybe I'm strung on football. But only for the moment. :)

World Cup fever? I doubt it. I'm not football-crazy.

Let's just say that I'm beginning to appreciate football a little better. :)

And it's so much fun talking football on Facebook (which is plagued with World Cup news on statuses everywhere !)

It feels like a whole new world has been opened up to me !

I'm glad I made an effort to get football.

The cute guys are so worth it ! :D

It is rather sad though when things happen and, according to the rules, what is final is final, and nothing else can be done about it.

(I'm referring to the controversial goal by Lampard during the England vs Germany match. If you don't know what I mean, you can watch this. That goal was not counted during the game, the referee had waved them to play on.)

This seems to be the rule - but only for England
(picture taken from!/photo.php?pid=288901&id=100000299550015)

I was rather upset that night, watching the match. Very clearly, England suffered an injustice that match. I'm not saying that England deserved to win, because maybe they did not, despite the fact that I am an England-supporter. They played horribly >.<

But that goal could have made a difference in terms of the players' morale and motivation. That not-counted-goal when it so clearly was one, proven by the video replay, must have been so frustrating for the English.

Although the better team won that night, things could not have been more unfair. England lost 4-1 that night. It could have been a 4-2 instead. :(

(If all this doesn't prove to you that I'm a reformed football-hater, I don't know what does !)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Girly-girl Time with the Gurlz

I could NOT believe that we had been college mates and friends for like two years now, and we have NOT crashed May Lee's place ! How unfathomable ! *gasps*

We've crashed Chrissy's place in PJ for her 21st birthday, but not May Lee's new house in Subang Jaya. The injustice, right? I know ! So of course we invited ourselves over to May Lee's house for a sleepover. :)

"Hey babe, let's have a sleepover at your place ! How's 23rd for you?"
"Oh-kay babe, let me ask ma mummeh first !"

After a week of "Oopsie, I forgot !" and "I'll ask her at dinner, I promise !" we were set for the Invasion-of-SJ@MayLee's-place on the 23rd of June. :)

I was excited. Like, really excited. It was so exciting ! Wouldn't you be excited? :D

Not exactly my first time in SJ - my cousins stay in USJ 14 (I think.) (Or was it SS14? These names are so confusing ! I give up *throws hands up in air* >.<), nor is there really anything rather fascinating about SJ to begin with.

That is not the point. The point, the reason for excitement, is, that I was gonna have some nice girly-time doing girly things with my girls (I like how that sounds, so there !) :P

Well, a perfect girly-time of girly things with the girls absolutely MUST consist of:

A. Nail-painting sessions !

Chrissy painting my nails !

Our beloved Chrissy was the self-volunteered manicurist for the day (or night, as it were). She was as anxious and excited to paint our nails as we were to get our nails pampered and painted oh-so-prettily for us ! I was like, "Paint my nails ! Paint my nails !" and at the same time Chrissy was, "Let me paint your nails ! Let me paint your nails !"

I brought my collection of nail polish, about four (still usable) bottles of nail polish, all in different shades of purple (I just noticed =.=). But it was nothing compared to Ms. Christina Ann Sebastian's. She brought a whole BOX of nail polish of various colours and shades, glittering and shimmering under the lights !

There were so many colours I wanted to try ! "Ooh, this colour is nice !" "Oh, and this one is so sweet !" "This colour is so chun wei !" And Chrissy, being the pro manicurist she is, "Why don't you try this? I think this colour suits you." Or, "I'm trying to sell this colour; try it and see !"

My gold nails with gold glitter :) Heart them !
And heart Chrissy !

Oh, you can't imagine how pampered I felt to just place my hands into the very capable hands of our dear Ms. Chrissy to be painted and made pretty. It's oh-so-relaxing I assure you ! Well, except for the occasional: "Now, blow your nails dry !" and "Don't you DARE scratch your face - you'll smudge your nails !" >.<

B. Gossiping :)

Oh well, I hate to admit it, but being girls, we gossip. It's kinda like second nature. A nasty habit I guess, but how else are we to keep up-to-date with current happenings, or feel satisfied after dissing an awful horrible person? (Well-deserved, believe me.)

We keep up-to-date with the latest Boy News. Like who went out with whom, who had dinner with whom, who got lost on Gasing Hill for hours alone with whom *ahem*. Or, the current status on existing relationships. We'd pour out our woes of the subordinate species (yes, the males). You have no idea what we women have to go through and put up with ! It's only because we have such big, forgiving hearts. Thank God for us. :P

And dissing about someone who absolutely gets on your nerves, or rubs you up the wrong way is a necessity. I mean, how on earth can you keep all that powerful negative emotions inside? It isn't healthy ! Sharing with a bunch of attentive, eager female buddies amidst enthusiastic nods of agreement and "Exactly !" "That is so true !" is practically therapeutic !

No wonder we feel better after gossi- I mean, sharing. :)

C. Makan time !

What's fun without food? And being in SJ, we get to taste food on May Lee's turf ! For dinner the first night, we had Burger Ganja. And oh yes, it is as sinful as it sounds. The burger was really delicious, from a Ramlee Burger stall parked along a road somewhere on SS15 (Am I right?). I was sceptical. Burgers so addictive they're like ganja (cocaine)? =.=

Oh, but we were spoiled for choice. There was chicken/beef burgers, Specials, with Cheese, hot dogs. All ranging from RM 3.50 to RM 4.50. Which is pretty decent, I think. I had the Chicken Burger Cheese Special (which is chicken burger patty + cheese + egg + black pepper sauce + vege).

It was so GOOD. Really. Sitting by the roadside on stools, trying desperately to hold my burger in place as it falls apart, oozing with black pepper sauce running down my entire palm, it was truly a unique experience, to say the least. (It was so messy I will not post any pictures of that here !)

And the burger was freakin' awesome ! Addictive, I finally concede, if I were to live somewhere nearby. :) Annddddd they open right up till 5.00 am in the morning ! Good news for all those supper- and I-get-hungry-early-in-the-morning people :)

At the organic food shop :)

We also had organic food for brunch the next day (we could not wake up in time for breakfast after having chatted and gossiped and cackled till early morning =.=) at a place where apparently, May Lee and her family's been to for more than ten years. Whoa. o.O

Despite what you think, organic food is NOT all bland and tasteless, or that expensive. It's actually rather tasty ! :D I loved the soup with turnip strips and dates and kei chi, the sweet+sour pumpkin tau foo, the basil omelette (it was so fragrant !), the broccoli and the fresh turnip and papaya !

In Chrissy's words,
"I've never eaten and felt thinner until now. I feel thinner !"

Well, it did make you feel all healthy and good :D

At Snowflake, before our sweets

Oh, but then again, we did give in to sweet desserts at Snowflake after our "organic" lunch, also along SS15 (I think?). Shaved ice with yam and sweet potato-flavoured taro balls, with red beans and pearl. Yummehhhh~ :D

My Taro ball series + red bean + pearl

And again, after dinner the previous night at Happy Bean. This was different okay? :P

Finally, the ultimate ingredient to a perfect girly-time of girly things with the girls *drum roll*:

D. Shoppinggggg

Oh, how can a bunch of girls meet up in a place overflowing with shops and boutiques and not shop? It's unthinkable !

So that's what we did all day Thursday. :)

While shopping :P

Well, none of us actually bought anything, except a RM10 top for May Lee and myself. But there's no harm in trying on dresses and ooh-ing and aah-ing over them right? I mean, when you shop in a group, that's what the others are for ! To admire and tell you how awesome you look in that dress ! Or how a particular dress actually makes your boobs look bigger ! (I wish I could have gotten that dress. Sigh.)

I loved this dress. *sigh*

Again, another therapeutic activity. See, we girls are so into all this therapeutic stuff ! :)

It was so much fun, going from shop to shop to shop to shop, trying dresses on, twirling around in front of the mirror, admiring yourself, admiring the others (May Lee is so fair, it's UNfair ! >.<) and agreeing/disagreeing on what tops we thought were nice/cute.

Ah, I had so much fun with this bunch of girls ! So much so, I wish we can do it again sometime soon !

Thanks May Lee for being our "gracious" hostess ! And many thanks to your family for having us, and being nice enough not to mention how we totally disrupted their sleep with our maniacal cackles and laughter at ungodly hours ! :D

Love you allllll~

Friday, June 18, 2010

How to know if you're ready to be married off

My first home-cooked dinner !

On the menu:

Dish #1

Mixed vegetables consisting of cauliflower, capsicum, corn, carrots and chicken gizzard, with garlic seasoning :)

Dish #2

Onion omelette (one of my most favourite omelettes !)
It doesn't look aesthetically nice, but it tasted fineeee (really !) :P

Dish #3

Prawn fritters - fresh prawns dipped in batter and deep-fried.
I had a craving for these for a long time, which actually gave me the motivation to cook dinner myself !

So thanks to these babies, my family had the privilege of tasting wonderful dishes cooked by my hand ! What an honour ! :D

Comments: Everybody (read: my immediate family) said it was pretty good :)

Overall, I think it was a success ! :D
Nobody had stomach trouble after dinner that day, or the next. So I would say that proves that my cooking is safe for consumption ! *teehee*

On another attempt:

I cooked meatloaf.

What is that, you ask?

Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure.

I got the idea from watching some English dramas. I'd heard "meatloaf" mentioned a couple of times as a dinner dish, the most recent one on an episode of Desperate Housewives.

So, I sourced for simple (in fact, the simplest) recipes for meatloaf that I could find.

Well, it seems to be a rather popular Western/American dish. They use certain ingredients you don't readily find here. So I chose one recipe to which the ingredients were simple enough to obtain.

And so, the experiment began:

1) Minced beef (500 g)

You'd think it's easy, but it took me some time to mince the meat properly. And you won't understand how really tiring it is to chop, chop, chop the meat finely enough so it will cook properly and you'll be able to taste the sweetness of the meat, until YOU have minced beef yourself. *cue nodding of heads here*

I also marinaded the beef with soya sauce and pepper (which was not in recipe) to add to the taste of the meat.

(Since this was an experiment, I tried out with only 500 g of beef. The recipe was for 1 kg of beef, so I tried to adjust the amount of all the other ingredients accordingly.)

2) Chopped onions

I have a thing for onions. They're really sweet and make any dish you cook them with smell really fragrant ! :)

3) Tomato sauce + brown sugar

Here (based on instinct) I mixed 2 cups of tomato sauce and half a cup of brown sugar (which I thought would be just right for now 500 g of beef). Stirred them well together.

4) Jacob's crackers (crushed)

My bro helped me to crush the crackers. I put in about 7-8 pieces of crackers (they were oatmeal ones, which I didn't like, but were all that were left in the house >.<) and asked my bro to help me crush them with the mortar.

5) Then, mix the beef, onions, crushed crackers and half the mixture of tomato sauce+brown sugar. After you've mixed them all well, you're supposed to place the whole mixture thingy onto a grease pan and shape it into a loaf.

Unfortunately, we did not have a flat grease pan, nor a huge oven. Just a round metal plate and a small microwave/oven. So I made do with what I had :)

Finally, pour the remaining half of the tomato sauce+brown sugar mixture on the top of the loaf.

6) Preheat the oven, then place the meatloaf into the oven. Bake for 45 minutes (for 500 g of beef. I think.) at 180 degrees.

And voila ! It's done ! :)

In my anxiousness to taste it and see if it's edible, I forgot to take a shot of it when it was done ! Or how the meat was steaming hot and juicy when we cut into it. :) *yum*

Comments: It was rather tasty, just a little too sweet for comfort ! o.O

Since none of us had ever tasted a meatloaf before, nor do I know of anyone else who has made a meatloaf before (we didn't even know how an actual meatloaf looked like =.=), we had nothing to compare it to ! Therefore, as long as it tasted good, it was a success ! :)

For the next attempt at a meatloaf, I will cut out the brown sugar. Maggi tomato sauce is already super duper sweet enough ! :O

I feel !

Can marry off jor! *just kidding*

Sunday, June 13, 2010

If only the Heart does what the Mind tells it to

I know what I am thinking is just plain silly.

I know that I should not be feeling this way.

But I've come to realize that the heart is one hell of a stubborn kid, ain't it? >.<

It just won't do what I know should be done !

So I suppress it. Ignore it.

I tell myself,
"Stop it, you idiot. Why make yourself suffer more?"
"Stop being such a petty freak !"
"You're acting like 4-year-old !"

What on Earth is the matter with me?

It's so tough.
It's so tough.
It's so tough.
It's so tough.
It's so tough.
It's so tough.
It's so tough.

Some days are good days. Some days are just, bad.

On the bad days, it's really hard.

On the good days, I worry about how long this will actually last.

Sometimes I just feel like I want to lock myself in my room.
Lock myself in my room, and then cry.
Just cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry. :(


It is only temporary.

Sure as rain, the ache will return.
And I am back to square one.

What on Earth is the matter with me?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Fatal Mistake That Did Not Turn Out That Fatal After All

My heart is thumping in my ears, hard. I can hear it in my head - dup, dup, dup.

It's strange that the beating of your heart can be so distracting.

I think of something. Thumping again. I lose my train of thought.

I ball my fists tight in frustration. I squeeze my eyes shut, rock myself back and forth, as if the rhythm would somehow bring inspiration.

Come on, come on !!!

I scribble furiously, my right hand flying across the paper, left to right, left to right.
My handwriting has turned from acceptable to hardly legible.
Even I had trouble deciphering my own handwriting. But I could not afford to bother about that now.

Every few minutes I glance up in front of me.

The large silver clock looked ominous, intimidating, with its second hand ticking diligently, indifferent to my suffering.
It taunted me, You are running out of time ! You'll never make it !

My hand starts shivering. My writing goes out of alignment. But I do not care. My urgent aim is to write as much as possible, whatever comes to mind.

There is still much to go. So much more to write.

I glance up at the clock again. My heart sinks.

I'm not going to make it.

The realization is harsh.

My lip quivers. I feel a strange, and sudden urge to go pee.

I bite my quivering lip and take a deep breath. I can feel the tears coming.

It's too late, a voice whispers in my head. It's too late.

I remove my glasses and rub my eyes furiously. This it not the time to give up. I have to keep writing. Just write as much as I can. Stop looking at the clock !

I continue writing, but the amazing thing was, I didn't know what I was writing at all. My thoughts were not even coherent anymore. I knew, deep down, there was no point.

It's no use.

"Masa peperiksaan telah tamat. Pelajar dikehendaki berhenti menulis."

Crap. I missed out a few things ! And these were vital parts of the format of a lesson plan ! The moral values and critical/creative thinking aspects ! I'd left them out !

I scribble furiously once more, keeping an eye out for any invigilator heading my way.

Oh, no. I have to leave the hall now.

I took my time getting up from my chair, still writing in what seemed to be ancient Egyptian crypts. I had given up on writing neatly. I pray my lecturer has the super-ability to decipher ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs.

I tried to write more as I packed my writing stationery and matric card with my left hand, being absently clumsy.

"Miss !"

I continued writing.

"Miss !" Louder this time.

I look up. Everyone was staring curiously at me, including a woman in a vest (one of the invigilators) who was staring at me rather angrily, actually.

"Please stop writing. Are you going to hand that up, or will I hand that up for you?"

Gosh. How embarrassing.

I nodded, not daring to say a word, just in case I let out a sob.

I walk miserably to the front of the hall to hand in my answer sheets.

I was angry with myself. Disappointed. Typical fatal examination mistake - I had spent too much time on the first few sections of the paper and left not much for the final section, which required me to come up with a lesson plan on the spot with the given material and information. Understandably, that needed more time than I had for it. What an idiot I am.

As I reach the basket to slip my answer sheet into, I caught my lecturer's eye.

Dr. Hamidah was smiling, oblivious to the excruciating torture we had just gone through for her paper.

"So, how was it?" she asked, rather enthusiastically. And had I done better than I did, I would have responded in a more civil manner.

Instead, I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.

Finally, I blurted out, "I'm so sorry, Dr. !" and I ran past my course mates, past the swarm of other students taking other papers (some looking rather happy with themselves - how I hated them !), up the short flight of stairs and burst out of one of the exits, panting heavily.

"So how was it?"
"How did you do?"
"Eh, what did you answer for question 1 part B?"
"Did you finish your lesson plan?"
"What activities did you put in?"

I turned away from them. I didn't want to hear about the paper anymore. Much less talk about how I did. I knew I messed up. My format was incomplete, and I barely finished 50% of the lesson plan - the section that had the heaviest weightage.

I could possibly fail this paper.

"So, Lisa, how was it?"

I looked up at those kind eyes, and I could not speak.

"I have to go back to my room now. I really need to cry."

I left my friend staring bewildered at me as I just turned and left the hall compounds.

I ran up the four flights of stairs, ran back to my hostel block, down the dingy gloomy corridor until I saw that familiar patch of floor. I could not turn the keys in the lock fast enough.

I burst into the room to see my roomie, facing her laptop in darkness. She whirls around and goes, "So. How did it go?"

I sit at the edge of my bed, gingerly, almost falling off.
And then I cry.
Silently at first, and then great racking sobs.

I had never felt worse, never felt that hopeless, never felt that scared before in my entire life.

And I am grateful to my roomie who let me sit and cry for a good, solid ten minutes.

I needed that.

This was how my first paper of the final examinations for last semester went. It goes without saying that I was horribly depressed for the rest of my papers and try as I might, I could NOT shake that terrible feeling off. Although most people have experienced this before, but for me, believe me when I tell you I have never felt that hopeless before. That I was racing against time, and was losing. I had never felt that scared, not shook that much during an exam. I had never done a worse paper. It was utter horror. Terrible handwriting, illogical ideas. I do not know what nonsense I made my poor lecturer read ! But by the grace of God (and I suspect, by my lecturer's pure graciousness) I did not just NOT fail the paper - I got an A. Not an A-, but an A. I will never forget this feeling. How I wish I could, though. >.<