Alarm Clock

Date: 13^th Mar, 2023, Mon
Writing Prompt: Alarm Clock
 
***
 
It’s an ugly thing, for sure. Somebody gave it to me as a gift, probably someone cheap. Was it for a birthday? I can’t remember. I wouldn’t have used it if my old one hadn’t been broken, coincidentally.
 
It’s a digital one. Super plain. Just a rectangular face, black all over, with brightly lit red numbering. Boring.
 
I never thought much about it, just used it out of necessity. But tomorrow, it’s super important that I wake up on time. So, I’m setting the alarm, and I’ll try to get some sleep.
 
12:10AM
 
Serves me right for watching that series just before bedtime, the one called You. Part 2 was just out, and I couldn’t resist. I knew it was going to mess with my head. It’s so dark and twisted. But I couldn’t help it. What is it about these psychopathic serial killers that is just so entertaining to watch?
 
I wish I could have just killed all the people who tortured me, especially the ones when I was growing up. They were jerks and bullies. Why can’t people just leave other people alone? I initially got in trouble because I would wear what I wanted, and they didn’t like it. I tried to stand up for myself, you know, on principle, but there’s only so much toilet dunking one can take.
 
Eventually, I just wore what everyone else felt was suitable for me to wear. To lay low. I thought, if I could just survive high school, that would be great.
 
But the abuse I endured? Those are permanent scars, indelible, the kind you cannot see.
 
2:37AM
 
Those red numbers are taunting me now. When it’s so important for me to get some rest, I can’t. I don’t know if it’s because of fear, anxiety, or maybe excitement?
 
So many things running through my head, a million things a minute. It’s hard to process it all.
 
I am kind of grateful that things got just a little bit better when I started work though. Fewer bullies. Although the biggest bully of all ended up being my boss. He and my high school bullies? Cut from the same cloth. Close-minded, egotistical bigots, who hate anyone who isn’t.
 
Thankfully, my colleagues are kindred spirits. Sure, they’re competitive too; after all, we work in real estate. But they don’t hate me for being me—they just hate me because we’re rivals. That’s a step up, you know? At least they see me as equals.
We do kind of celebrate one another’s victories. But we also secretly hope their deals fall through, or get stuck in escrow. Sometimes. Just kidding. But sometimes.
 
We hang out whenever we can, go to a bar, drink the night away. We work hard, but we party hard too. And when we meet other bullies outside, they come to my defense.
 
I can be myself around them, and that’s the most valuable gift they give me.
 
4:13AM
 
Oh, man. I’m panicking. Every time I look at the clock, I’m counting down the hours. How many hours I have left before I’ve got to wake up. Maybe I dozed off a little earlier, but there’s a throbbing in my head now. It feels like I haven’t slept at all.
 
Mum’s going to meet me there later, for emotional support. Bless you, Mum. Always been my supporter. Ah, I forgot to remind her to get something to eat before coming. I can’t accompany her for breakfast, I’ve got to fast before the surgery.
 
Maybe I’ll text her now. Oh, wait. She’ll be all over me when she sees what time I’m texting her. She’ll know I hardly slept.
 
But if I don’t do it now, I’ll probably forget later. Fine, I’ll text her.
 
Okay, done. Hm, I wonder if Dad has said anything yet. Took him a while to come around when I’d announced to the family about the surgery. Well, technically, it’s the first of many to come, but it’s my first step, and it’s a big one.
 
To be fair, it took me a while to come to this decision, so how can I blame my Dad for needing time to come to terms with it? Sure, it’s my life, but it’s going to affect his too. I get it. I am his only son.
 
But I have to say, it couldn’t have been that much of a surprise for him, could it? My whole life, I’d been different. I’d struggled. I’d fought within myself. It’s been a never-ending dilemma, tormenting my very soul. I’d been suffering. My Mum knew it. People who were close to me knew it.
 
I guess I could have continued to live my life the way I’d been, and life would have been pretty okay. I’m blessed in many ways. But I wanted to live my truth. I wanted to be the person I feel I’m meant to be. I wanted to be…free.
 
Free of bullies. Free of the weird looks and glances. Free of the whispers, the rumors, the murmurs, just for being me. Once and for all.
 
6:00AM
 
Okay, my alarm’s ringing. It’s time. No point trying to get any sleep now. I’m waking up to the rest of my life. A life where I’m finally the woman I’m meant to be.
 
I’ll see you on the other side.