Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Paksarelawan

A show of hands here:

Anyone like being forced into something? Yes? No?

This, unfortunately, has become something of a norm here in my college.

A new activity is coming up.
All first-years: Diwajibkan hadir

A 3-hour programme that has nothing to do with us:
All first-years: Diwajibkan hadir

A line-up at 630am in the morning.
All first-years: Diwajibkan hadir

I hate that phrase. Diwajibkan hadir.
It tells you that you have no choice, no other alternative; and suggests dire consequences should you not show up for whatever torture plan they have laid out for you. A threat, in nicer-sounding, obviously-implied tones.

You must think I'm overreacting. Sometimes I think I really am overreacting.

I mean, what can they do to you? What's the worse that could happen? Come onnnnnnn, right?

Then you hear the horror stories. Of ex-college mates being kicked out of college for not attending this-and-that.
Which may not seem like anything, but considering the KG evaluations, it kinda is.

You just wanna stay in college, and enjoy the advantages of being on-campus, and make it easier for your evaluators to, you know, evaluate you, on whatever it is that you have to be evaluated on.

I hate being forced into everything. When I think, No, I don't want to, then I can almost hear them whisper, Then it's YOUR funeral.

I think, You know what, I don't care what's gonna happen anymore! I DARE them to do something to me. Come on, bring it ON!

I skipped the meeting. It felt exhilirating.

An SMS comes. If you do not attend this meeting you will have to hand in a written official letter stating the reason of your absence. If it is because of classes, you will need to also attach your timetable printed from the university's student website SMPWEB as proof of having a class.

I can hear it already. If you don't go, you're going out. OUT.

So, in the end, despite my earlier bravado, I relented. I went for the stupid thing, amidst grumbling and suppressed profanities (it took a lot of self-control, I admit).

I give up.
Maybe I just don't have a backbone.
I can't stand up for myself cos I have too many fears.
I submit, cos that's what I have always done. Always.

I'm just tired.
Too tired to fight, too tired to say anything.

I learnt a little something about myself through this.

I may rant and rave and yell silent profanities at the injustice of it all, but at the end of the day, I give in.
Such a loser.

I'm tired...

6 comments:

wen said...

Well, at least you're not a lonely loser.. Sama-sama jer both us..

The Bee said...

hey girl
defying goes against the grain of your very nature
the soft, warm, compassionate, caring, respectful and of course obedient person within you
i of all persons should know- right?
i am proud of who you are or have become
sakura blossoms???
AND
you are definitely not a loser
many struggle in the same way that you do
even adults in the working world????
from the primary to secondary and even tertiary there tend to be a lot of this coming from the top ie the pihak berkuasa
the intimidating, exploiting type of instruction making all those WAJIB threats!!!!
wonder whether this is prevalent outside malaysia
maybe not cos the individual right stands strong
here from the pihak berkuasa 's perspective
think it is out of fear of some event getting no response from pple nowadays coupled with the abuse of authoritative power????
quite a bad kind of tactic i would say which has become a culture now
for some not heeding whatever is crazily wajib like those 101 ad hoc out of the blues arahan, is easy
but not for you eh?
i will get as worked up and angry as you did bec of the intimidating way the call is being made
could it be of military origin?
obey without questioning?
and dont expect to be told any detail of purpose etc.??.but uni is not the army!!!
shows they dont even respect us as individuals with a choice....
my advice just treat WAJIB orders case by case
give yourself a choice or option to comply or not
-complying shows your GRACE towards the organisers ....by being present you do them a favour
then see what you can learn or contribute

-not complying will help you experience freedom sweet sweet freedom in contrast to being forced
you have the right of choice...exercise it
believe you havent seen the last of the wajib
will pray you ll find learning and progress in this area till the wajibness fails to frustrate you
add oil my dear but no combustion pls huh???

Lisa ^^, said...

OK, Ma. That's like an essay hee XD
And you're right. Guess, I'm not the only one suffering here. haha

h0cmun said...

There are few options as a university student: (it's up to you to weigh the pros and cons)

1. Don't attend any of it, write them a letter and tell them off.
2. Don't attend some, tell them why you're not attending.
3. Attend all and rant.

wait, i'm not helping.
I think yesterday's message should give you an answer already. :)
Find joy in everything that you do. It's about following Jesus. If Jesus has to attend those meetings, what would he do? hmmmm..

ps:oh that you might need to cut down on your self portrait cuz Jesus didn't do that :P

Lisa ^^, said...

>>hocmun
Yeah, I guess you're right. If we constantly ask ourselves "What Would Jesus Do?" we'd know. He'd go, of course, with no complaints. But then, I just dislike the feeling of not having a choice you know? That "you-better-do-what-I-say-or-else" threat thingy. >.<

siehjin said...

hmmm... i don't remember it being that bad when i was in ukm...

but anyway, like aunty yee bee said, u'r not a loser...

generally i'd ponteng such things without fear, but if they go to the extent of sms-ing every first-year... man, that's scary

maybe i'd go but bring a book to rea so as not to be totally bored. i'm not sure if it's what Jesus would do though... heheheh